How to Bring Fun Back into Your Relationship
We’ve all seen a romantic movie where two people find their “soul mate,” the one person in the world who is “perfect” for them. They persevere through ups and downs until they finally come together and live “happily ever after.” These romantic stories are heartwarming; they make us feel good and encourage us to believe in the power of love. Unfortunately, they also create a false ideal about what genuine relationships are like.
How Real Relationships Are Different
Relationships (especially long-term ones) ebb and flow over time. In the beginning, everything in your relationship feels fresh, exciting, and filled with wonder as you get to know this new person. You spend a ton of time and energy pursuing each other, planning the perfect date, doing your best to make them feel special, and working hard to present yourself in the best light.
As time moves on, that initial rush tends to fade, and your relationship will naturally settle into a pattern or routine. Sometimes, this pattern may begin to feel stale or boring to you, your partner, or both of you.
Does this mean the spark is gone, and the relationship has run its course?
NO!
This is an entirely normal and natural phase of relationships. With a bit of work, dedication, and the following tips, you can bring the fun back into your relationship!
Making Things Fun Again
Try to Avoid the Soulmate Trap
According to Psychology Today, over 70% of the population believes in the idea of a Soulmate. This ideal tells us that there is one person, or even a few people, in the world who are our “perfect fit” or “meant for us,” which can actually hinder your ability to maintain satisfying long-term relationships. Studies have shown that people who believe in the idea of a soulmate tend to have highly passionate yet short-lived relationships. Soulmate searchers tend to view relationship problems as a sign that the person with whom you share that relationship must not be your soulmate, and therefore they need to move on to find their next “perfect match.” Instead, try to remind yourself that all relationships (even highly compatible pairings) require work and commitment if they are going to last. Finding fulfillment in your relationship is greatly dependent upon your ability to work through struggles together.
Find Your Love Language
Gary Chapman introduced Love Languages in the early 90’s with his book, “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.” This book outlined five different ways that humans can express love and what makes them feel most loved. The 5 Love Languages are physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, gift-giving, and quality time. Discovering your love language and that of your partner can help give you an idea of the different ways you could increase the loving feelings in your relationship. Commit to making an effort to show each other love in the ways that work best for each of you. Doing so can help to increase relationship satisfaction for both you and your partner.
Take the Love Language Quiz.
Rediscover Your Shared Interests
Think back to when you first started dating; what was it that drew you to your partner?
Do you both enjoy hiking?
Do you have a shared desire to give back to your community?
Are you both movie buffs?
Whatever it was that drew you in, find a way to bring that back into the relationship. Plan a trip to a new hiking trail, find a local charity or church to volunteer with, or commit to going to the movies together once a week.
Making an effort to rediscover activities that you both enjoy is a great start to reestablishing that sense of fun and meaningfulness back into your relationship.
Plan Adventures Regularly
Keep your relationship exciting by planning fun activities for you to do together. An adventure doesn’t need to be elaborate or particularly expensive. Think weekend road trip to somewhere you’ve never been, a visit to a museum or zoo, or even dinner out at a new restaurant you’ve been wanting to try! By planning something new and exciting, you give yourself and your partner things to look forward to. New experiences help you to pull out of that relationship rut and allow you to make new memories together.
Share Your Dreams With Each Other
All of us have an internal “Bucket List” of things that we would love to do, places we’d love to see, goals we’d love to achieve in life. Part of keeping your relationship fresh and exciting is sharing these things and working together to make them happen!
Have you always dreamed of seeing the Grand Canyon but have never made the time to go? Tell your partner so you can work together and plan that trip!
Has your partner always wanted to learn how to line dance? Hop on Google and find the nearest line dancing bar and surprise your partner with a date night!
Do you have an idea for a side hustle or small business venture that you’ve been dreaming about for years? Talk to your partner about it, and figure out how the two of you could work on it together!
Working together to achieve your goals and desires in life helps both partners to feel heard, supported, and ultimately more loved.
Tried All This and Still Feel Stale?
Have you been feeling unhappy in your relationship for a while? Maybe your relationship needs a bit more help than this blog can provide. You should seriously consider speaking to a counselor, we're here for support and guidance. Georgetown Counseling & Wellness has several clinicians on staff who provide couples counseling and would be happy to chat with you about your concerns and needs. Call or e-mail us for a free consultation or set up an appointment for counseling: 512-400-4247 or breathe@georgetowncounselingwellness.com.
